Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
