$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
