I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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