please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
where am i from again
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
