he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
