I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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