Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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