I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
