he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
