You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
