i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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