Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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