Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
