If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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