Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
