Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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