He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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