It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she pinky promised me she was 18
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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