can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
