im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
