you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
