News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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