we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
