My nipple is on Facebook.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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