sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
