well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
