He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
