My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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