Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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