I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
