why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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