I just cut my nipple shaving
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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