this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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