they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
