if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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