Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
