But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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