I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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