Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
