It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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