What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
