I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
