You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
