Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
