LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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