Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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