do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
