If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
