im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
