i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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