Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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